


Play Crack The Sky

by our_black_heart



Category: My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:49:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3769156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/our_black_heart/pseuds/our_black_heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard and Frank are both in L.A. at the same time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Play Crack The Sky

**Author's Note:**

> I know what you're thinking and yes, it is a Brand New song. I'm super emotional right now. Also: I'm sorry.

“Hey Gerard…” Frank is staring pensively up at the ceiling which is not an oddity; he often does this before going to bed. Gerard knows better than to say something before Frank continues, if he does he might interrupt the train of thought. He doesn’t want to frighten something out of Frank’s thought process. “Do you still believe in God?” Gerard looks over at Frank and Frank looks back at Gerard, he sighs and looks back up at the ceiling.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it in a while.” Gerard replies decisively, he knows that’s not enough to quench Frank’s thirst for an in depth conversation, but for the first time in a long time he’s telling the truth. He hasn’t thought about it.

“Really? I don’t think I believe you on that one.” Frank’s still looking up at the ceiling, but his features are different. Gerard knows because he’s watching him, his brows pull up together furrowing in a way that means he’s contemplating something much different than the conversation at hand.

“What’s that supposed to mean, Frank?” Gerard is exhausted at the back and forward, not that there’s been much of it. This is the first time he’s seen Frank in person since the breakup and of course Gerard knew it was going to be difficult, but he came along anyways. Frank had invited him and who was he to deny Frank of absolutely anything? The answer is no one, he was no one. He wasn’t anyone at all, not anymore at least.

Frank scoffs in the most sardonic way possible and maybe, just maybe this was a really bad idea. In fact, it was a bad idea and they both knew it, but neither could deny that they wouldn’t do it again.

“You know what I mean, you fuck.” Gerard mentally cringes at the usage of profanity, because he wasn’t used to that Frank anymore. The angry, no one deserves any mercy, Frank. He hadn’t seen that Frank since very early on in the days of My Chemical Romance. At that time Frank had been angry at the world, but now he’s just angry at Gerard. It’s definitely perpetual Gerard thinks, because now nothing would ever be the same again.

And most of the time, Gerard regrets the fact that the only casualty was Frank. He knew the fans would be okay, they had no other choice but to be. He knew Ray and Mikey would be okay, they were growing up and building families, figuring themselves out.

Frank though, Frank would never grow up. Frank wasn’t the moving on kind of guy, he wasn’t the figuring themselves out kind of guy either. He was the kind of guy that knew who he was and where he came from and he claimed it all with a pride that could be paralleled by none. If Gerard was ever jealous of Frank, it was because of that. Sure Frank had his insecurities and doubts, but he was so certain of everything, he always knew what he wanted and why and he never hesitated to go after it and hold onto it.

And if Frank himself was being honest, nothing he had ever gone after had slipped out of his hands quite like Gerard did. But if you asked Frank, he’d say that he wasn’t bitter about it all. He was though, Gerard knew, everyone knew.

Frank laughs, it’s cynical and kind of creepy.

“Look at you, you can’t even handle me anymore.” He scoffs. And Gerard’s body closes in on itself some more. His legs are pulled up to his bare chest and his hands come around to wrap themselves around his legs. He rests his head on his knees, facing away from Frank. He needs to be somewhere else right now, anywhere else, but if he walks away now he might lose Frank forever. He goes into this sort of catatonic state; Frank is a staccato of harsh words and statements and Gerard just wants the whole world to pause, just for a minute. He just wants to gather his thoughts and be alone for one minute, but he is extremely aware that it won’t and can’t happen.

“Frank, just shut the fuck up for a minute, okay?!” and to Gerard’s complete surprise, Frank does shut up. The entire room is eerily quiet, completely still. The bed sheets don’t ruffle, the curtains don’t blow in the wind, it almost seems as if Frank has stopped breathing as well. Nothing can be heard and for a slightly scary second, Gerard thinks he’s dead.

Gerard is terrified of breathing too loudly now, he feels it might light the fuse he knows is just waiting for a push to get going. He’s about to say something when he hears a sob coming from next to him. He turns and Frank lets out another sob, there are no tears in his eyes yet and Gerard knows he’s fighting really hard to keep them back.

“No, fuck you. I won’t do this in front of you. You won’t do this to me. I refuse to let you do this to me.” He lets out some more dry sobs and the expression on his face is so utterly heartbreaking. Gerard wants to die, he’s never in his entire life wanted to die more than at this very moment, not even when he was a depressed drunk with a death wish.

Frank is hitting himself now, working himself up. He’s trying to make himself angry enough to defeat the sadness trying to pound its way out of his chest. Gerard has seen this many times before, he’s always the one that causes it and maybe that’s why he doesn’t like the rain anymore. It reminds him of the tears Frank refuses to cry for him. And even seeing Frank as desperate as he is now, Gerard knows he won’t fight for Frank. Life is too complicated to simply just give into his desires. He wants Frank, don’t get him wrong, but he has a wife and a daughter. Frank has a wife, two daughters and a son and they’re getting older and they need their father. Gerard isn’t that selfish, he would never take him away from the life he leads. But he’s also not that selfless, if he was he would consider that maybe things could work out with a little hard work and that maybe if Frank wanted him, they’d both give it a shot. But it’s easier this way and Gerard likes easy. So it’s decided, he won’t fight for Frank. He never does.

He tries to swallow the guilt that rises in his throat. It’s solid and heavy, just like his heart. He shouldn’t have come here, he doesn’t say it, but he wants too.

“You know Frank, I don’t believe in God anymore. I haven’t for a while. I wasn’t lying though, when I said I hadn’t thought about it in a long time. I hadn’t. Not until today.”

“Wait, Gerard. Where are you going?” Frank’s entire demeanor shifts when he sees that Gerard is getting dressed again. “Hey no, we can talk about this. Can’t we?” He looks so small, he looks like the boy Gerard had picked up from a shitty life and placed strategically in his band in order to keep him close at all times. He’s got the same soft, droopy eyes that make him look forever high. His little nose is almost as red as his chest and ears, his hair is different now though. It’s long and it looks like maybe he puts some product in it to keep it from looking gross while on tour. It works, Gerard thinks, because his hair looks naturally clean, shiny and smooth.

Looking at Frank like this now, Gerard knows he should have ignored Frank’s incessant phone calls. He should've left town when he found out that frnkiero and the cellabration were playing in L.A while he was home. He should have kept the band together, because then he wouldn’t have had to choose between Frank and his life. He knows that he’d never choose Frank and if the band was together, he wouldn’t have too.

“I don’t believe in God anymore, Frankie.” He kneels in front of Frank, he starts to cry. Actual tears fall out of his eyes and he wonders why this is so hard for Frank to do. It seems like the easiest thing to him. “If there was a God, I wouldn’t have to keep leaving you like this. I wouldn’t have to choose. If there was a God, I would have met you at some super market or some shitty party and the band would never have happened. I’d be an artist and you’d be some writer or music teacher or something and we’d be poor as fuck, but we’d be happy. It’d be just us. But it’s _not_. There is no God, Frank.” Frank’s face is hard, he knows what this all means.

“I really wish that you would stop blaming other people for your problems at some point, Gerard. I hope you never get bored with your life and I hope that when you remember me, you never miss me half as much as I do.” Frank gets up, he gets dressed quickly and as he opens the door to the hotel room he looks back at Gerard. He’s still kneeling by the bed and still crying. Through tear hazed eyes, Gerard can see that Frank is breathing heavily, but not desperately anymore. “And you know what, I never believed in God. But I sure as fuck believed in you, I even foolishly believed in us!” and with the slam of a door, the room is finally as quiet as Gerard had wanted it to be.

**Author's Note:**

> let me know what you think! i promise i will fix any grammatical errors or misspellings.


End file.
